Monday, December 27, 2010

I've Waited So Long...

Hi everyone, 

I'm here just to vent, I guess you could say. Venting not in a bad way, but a good one, so many things have happened to me for as long as I can remember, some things that where hard and some things that I never quite understood why they were happening to me. But lately in this past year those emotions have been coming back, slow by slow. Luckily I have friends by my side, and a family who supports me. Now, with 2011 just around the bend, it seems like things are beginning to take a turn for the better. I say that it "seems" like, because I just can't BEGIN to wrap my head around all the good things that are overflowing my life, after all the hardships and struggles I've been through. Its so unreal to me at this moment, as I'm typing this I feel so strange, almost numb. I'm in doubt yet so faithful about whats happening, and I think when I get on the plane tomorrow morning, that everything will come together in my head, and finally all the doubts will just slip away like they'd never existed in my mind. I'm flying away to things that will finally bring me some true happiness, and meeting myself at the end of the journey. I know this sounds strange, and staged in every single way possible, but these are my thoughts, and I need to let them out. I've never really known who the "real me" was, I felt trapped, sad or mad every minute of my life. I've never had a space for myself, or a time when my muscles weren't tense, I felt like I could never relax or be myself in these situations, like I was always putting on a mask, center stage. Only those moments, that were gone with blink of an eye, when I was around my true family, people who excepted and knew me for who I was and no one else, could I be myself. Now, though its taking long to sink in, I am finally free to let go, and live the rest of my life as the person I was meant to be. And that makes me happy. Finally.